I'm doing a daily exercise from a book called "May Cause Miracles" by Gabrielle Bernstein. It's an interesting little book that promises 'subtle shifts for radical change and unlimited happiness.' And while I don't subscribe to all of the theories of the book, I am finding the daily writing piece quite enlightening. In one particular exercise, we are instructed to witness (as in watch) our fears for the day and then go home and write them down. Here's one fear I mentioned in my journal...
"Today I feared 'overtalking' to a co-worker. I was thinking that maybe I'm one of those socially awkward people who talks too long. You know the type...those who keep you standing and listening long after your interest has waned."
Am I alone here, or are there others out there who internally critique their conversations with others? Just wondering...
***
.JPG) |
The crocus are up!
|
.JPG)
8 comments:
it never fails, at the end of the day before I fall asleep, I go through every conversation I've had during the day. Did I talk too long? Was I sincere? was I rude? My daughter says I have a 'tone' that turns people off and I have become so self conscious about it that it is on my mind all.the.time.
You aren't the only one. I do it all the time, especially when I struggle with getting my message across. Mentally, I dissect the conversation into little bits to see where I can change my word choice, if I was too passive or aggressive, if I read the other person's non-verbal cues correctly, etc. It's how I learn to be a better communicator.
I earned this isn a communications class. When in conversation we are doing three things: 1. speaking,
2. evaluating ourselves wondering whether we are overspeaking/how we're coming across, 3. we are evaluating the other person's reaction to assess how we are being perceived. Much of this is subconscious...and people who are perceptive and aware are more likely to engage in this and be hard on themselves. Makes sense.
I've finally quit worrying about it.
I hear ya. After a Bible study leader suggested I chimed in too much in discussions I now count others comments and keep mine down to three sentences.
A year earlier a boss told me I was too quiet and stand offish. Trying to figure out the "just right"!
Because I am home alone so much during the day (thank goodness for the computer), I find that when I go to the store I just talk away and then think, dang, why did I do that?
I'm over here from Becky's blog, and really enjoy yours.
Kathy M.
In one-on-one conversations, this isn't generally a problem for me, because I'm a good listener. What I have to watch is in a larger group setting, like in a club meeting or classroom setting. It is very difficult for me to take a "sit-down-and-shut-up" back row seat in those situations, because I'm more comfortable being up front in a leadership position. When the leader asks for my opinion, I'm happy to give it, but otherwise, I bite my tongue to prevent myself from talking too much.
Nice to meetcha. I came over from Becky's blog, and I really LOVE your poem. Count me in as your newest groupie. (I'll try to sit in the back with my mouth shut, okay?)
I'm not a very verbal person so I rarely feel that I've said too much... but there have been times when I definitely said too much about something and hurt someones feelings. Words can be like knives and have a huge impact. I, now, try to think first about what I'm trying to say... sometimes it's not even necessary to say something... sometimes a quiet nod or smile is all that's necessary.
And as for going on too long... if I'm listening, really listening, the conversation becomes more balanced.
Okay (deep breath) I'm not the only one, thank goodness! Thank you ladies for being vulnerable enough to tell me about you're conversational insecurities; and share your insights.
Joanne, I can't imagine you having a 'tone' that puts people off. Maybe it's just a 'daughter thing.'
Jack, I know personally that you are a great communicator!
Farmlady...I sensed that you were naturally quiet. I really value hearing from those who don't speak often because I know they have chosen their words carefully.
Jill, has anyone mentioned to your Bible study leader that her criticism might cause some people to really feel bad??
Susan, what do you do that makes you so comfortable speaking to groups? Teacher, maybe?
Kathy, I bet you're just coming across as really friendly when you get out and see people.
Linda, your insight was very helpful. I was sort of thinking that maybe the hallmark of someone who's socially awkward is that they aren't aware enough to realize that they are. So maybe those of us who stress over this are OK after all. I hope. LOL
Post a Comment