Welcome friends...thanks for coming by. We're seeking beauty in all of creation... in our faith and our families; our art and our music; our crafts and kitchens, and even in our own backyard. We'll share a poem or a recipe, a picture or a memory; maybe a dream of how we wish our life could be. And though we acknowledge that the world can be harsh, we're keeping it pleasant in our little corner; endeavoring to keep the words from the Book of all Books: ...Whatsoever things are lovely; think on these things.

I so enjoy hearing from you...so leave me a comment; it'll make my day!

Photo: Bee and thistle: Taken high in the Cascade Mountains where there is a bee buzzing on every thistle. by Debora Rorvig

Friday, March 22, 2013

Stop Complaining and Move from Victim to Victor

     Seed For Thought...

I've been reading a wonderful little book entitled "Choosing Civility...the 25 rules of considerate conduct," by P.M. Forni. This book should be required reading for everybody. Seriously. Here are a few rules...
  • Listen
  • Pay Attention
  • Be Inclusive
  • Speak Kindly
  • Respect Even a Subtle No
  • Respect Other People's Time
  • Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame
  • and one of my favorites...Refrain from Idle Complaint
 Mr. Forni tells us that while there are indeed legitimate complaints; idle complaining is the 'unwarranted spreading of misery.' It is concentrating on problems instead of solutions and living in a state of pessimism. He says."... pessimism is like trudging in the mud. When you complain you stick your unfortunate listeners in your mud and you drag them along with you for no good reason." Sound familiar? Sure did to me!

What I like about this little book is that he gives great ideas for redirecting your negative energies into something more positive; but it does take a little introspection and some willingness to change. He suggests that we first make a list of all of the things we are prone to gripe about.
If you lack the self-awareness to know what you are constantly griping about, ask your spouse, best friend, or co-workers. Believe me; they know. Oh my yes, they know. (And don't get your feelings hurt when they honestly tell you!)

  Here's my partial list...uncooperative students, horrible parents of uncooperative students, hubby's long work day and commute, lack of time, being tired, a generation of people who feel 'entitled' to everything, TV programming...and much more.

Now, when you've finished the list...make a decision to stop complaining about one of your gripes for the whole month. When your month is completed, tackle the next item on your list and extinguish your complaining about that item. After 12 months, your griping should be under control. Does this mean that we just become Miss Suzie Sunshine and deny the existence of problems? Nope.

The other part of this process is that, while you are working on complaint-reduction; you will also be seeking to find some positive solutions for that problem. For example; if  I'm working on my issues around uncooperative students; I will begin looking for ways to encourage cooperation. Perhaps I can talk to other educators about how to deal with the problem. I can go to the library and find some books on the subject. Or I can try to find out if the student is having personal problems that are contributing to the problem.

 In any case, once I motivate myself to solve a problem rather than whine about it, I move from being a victim to a victor.

Learn to accept in silence the minor aggravations, cultivate the gift of taciturnity, and consume your own smoke with an extra draft of hard work, so that those about you may not be annoyed with the dust and soot of your complaints.              William Oser



Linda O'Connell said...

This sounds like a wonderful book. I agree wholeheartedly. The world would be a kinder place if we always sought the positive instead of focusing on the negative. Have a great week.

Elephant's Child said...

Some really good ideas here. Thank you.

ellen b. said...

Love this. Thanks for sharing Debora!

Debora said...

Thanks Linda, Elephant's Child, and Ellen for stopping by and leaving a comment. I just had to take my own advice today!!!Trying to load a new program onto my new laptop and encounter some 'technical difficulties.' I was going to complain about it on F/B...but changed my comment to 'It's a beautiful day.' And it is a beautiful day!!!:)

allisamazing said...

Some great thoughts to ponder.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Well, darn. I KNOW I read this post earlier, and I THOUGHT I left a comment, too. Must be getting old. (shhh...) Or maybe you have that word verification thingy, and I left your site before doing that...

Anyhow, that does sound like a book more people should read. Used to be the sort of things most of us were taught by our parents, but not so much anymore.

We have a yellowed clipping on the side of our fridge that's been there since our kids were growing up. It's called, "The Ten Commandments for Considerate Living." What tickles me is recently, our sons asked me to make a copy of it for them to put on THEIR fridges as reminders to THEIR children. (Life is good.)

Debora said...

Hi allisamazing and Susan! From my perspective in a public school-civility is an endangered species. Few kids say please, thank you...and most don't return a good morning greeting with even a nod. But I'll atop at that lest I be caught complaining, which is another kind of incivility! Yep Susan, I had to put,the word verification thing on my blog...spammers have been swarming around here. Thanks for visiting, gals!


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