I've been working out at the gym for 7 weeks now. I mean, I've been FAITHFUL! Spinning that elliptical machine like a hamster on one of those wheely-things. Pumping iron with the big boys in the weight room. Yep, it's me and a bunch of twenty-something hunks, three times a week; listening to Ga-Ga and workin' those glutes and abs. I can tell by the way those boys look at me they're in awe...or is it horror? Their jaws literally drop to the ground when I swagger in and grab my ten pound dumb-bells for a little bench pressing!
But I've got a few come-backs if ever one of them gives me any grief about my teensie-weenie weights.
I'll say, "Hey! I don't see YOUR grandma in here doing crunches. Bet she's sitting in her rocker crocheting doilies!"
Or how about, "Why don't YOU come back here when YOU'RE fifty-eight. Let's see how firm YOUR butt is in forty years!" (Though I might have to concede that in forty years I'll be ninety-eight and probably won't be making it down to the gym to gloat over their middle-aged spread.)
I must say that I'm feeling pretty darned good, pretty strong. Except for one little thing...my digital scale. It just won't budge; no matter how many gallons of sweat I drip all over the benches in the weight room.
Early this week though, I thought we had a breakthrough. Got on the scales as usual, but instead of the normal one-hundred-something-or-another; there was a super-special digital message just for me. It said, " L0."
"Oh look, honey!" I called excitedly to hubby."The scales are telling me that my weight is LOW! All my hard work is finally paying off!"
"Yeah right! The batteries are low. We need to change them."
"No really, I believe this is a POSITIVE AFFIRMATION from the scale. It SEES how hard I've been working. How faithfully I've been eating my leafy-greens. It FEELS my pain. So instead of just giving me a number--I mean, ANY scale can throw a number on the screen. After all these years of morning chats, it knows me intimately--that I hate, hate, hate numbers. Especially high ones. So it's chosen to COMMUNICATE with me using my preferred medium--WORDS! How sweet is that!
"Whatever. I'll get some batteries tomorrow and fix the dang thing."
Tonight hubby calls to me from the bathroom. "I fixed the scale. It doesn't say L0 anymore."
"Great! Gee, I wonder what it'll say to me tomorrow morning? Maybe it'll say HI. As in HI there Debbie; aren't you looking FIT this morning!"
"Nope. It's gonna say, 'will one of you please step off?'"
Funny guy, my hubby. Lucky he's still standing. He better watch out. Just a few more months of lifting weights and he's in big trouble. When I get super-fit, if he makes another smart-aleck comment like that...I'm gonna pick him up and hurl him across the street like a discus!
Until then, I may have to dig the old batteries out of the trash and put them back into the scales.
|pic is courtesy of Sangrea.net|